Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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