someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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