I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
