Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
