That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
