Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
