His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
