Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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