apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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