I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
