no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
