sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
