I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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