You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
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I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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