Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am one with the molecules
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
