I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
