Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
