Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
