I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
