I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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