God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
