I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
