1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
