you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My feet surprised me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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