My room smells like vodka and shame
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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