i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
