I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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