her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I love black thongs
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
