You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
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He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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