plz talk dirty to me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
