friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
