I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Welp...herpes.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
