My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
