Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
