i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
whose parrot is this?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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