u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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