You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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