69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
