spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
