I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
