I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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