can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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