she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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