I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
