rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
