she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
