R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
