trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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