So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
