I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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