M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
