i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
