theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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