3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
