If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
