We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize