I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
