Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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