Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
