would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
