dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Enjoy the penises
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
