I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you never un-have a 4some
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
