I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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