I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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