I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
