dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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