dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
