It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
another moral hangover. fuck.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
