i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
