So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
dude. I can hear the air.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
