we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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