It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
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You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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