after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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